It's been a while. Typing is difficult and when I have been, it's been elsewhere. Years since I 'needed' this as a diary - a place where I could write down stuff I couldn't say anywhere else, or as a repository for my memories. I am not yet ready to give up on diaryland, it's been there for me through thin and thinner. I am still waiting for 'thick.' Heh.

I might be interrupted at any time, so fair warning (for myself?) if this stops abruptly.

Living in the new house has apparently good for me, but I feel the need to get away; to get further away. I doubt that there is far enough away that I stop thinking about S2 and his wife. I wonder if I did the wrong thing in disregarding what Sarit, my dil's mother, said about her mental state. I mean Sarit did enough things that show her as a bad mother (at least to my dil) but that doesn't mean that she was wrong when she told me that her daughter was really mentally ill. I thought that, with our whole family around her/them, that there was nothing we couldn't cope with. I still think that that's true, but they are all alone (by choice).

Okay, a son's a son 'til he takes a wife. Sad, but usual. I want to be far away for a while, so I can see that I have a life apart from my kids, a life of my own. I have too many reminders, here, and three of my kids still live with me or at least on the property.

Besides a guy who helped turn my life around lives in Finland, and is getting on in years. More than a little bit, since he was alive in WWII. I don't know if he was old enough to have fought, but he's sufficiently older than me. I would like to see him while he is still with us. There's a World Science Fiction convention in Finland this summer, so I can combine the two things. Perhaps. With money and enough time. Time enough when I get back from India (did I mention I'm getting to go to India?)

At the moment we have no plans, yikes, since they say we should be leaving in two weeks. 'They' are TH's employers, who are sending him for a 'knowledge transfer' session. I am going, I want to bring S3. It's going to be expensive (for airfare) but hopefully not too much to stay together in a hotel and eat. India is not expensive, just to get to. 'They' are supposed to pay my airfare, so we only have to come up with money for S3. The daughters, D2 and D3 want me to bring back fabric and dresses. We'll see what is there.

I am too tired from sitting up and typing, time to rest now. The flies are terrible today, and keep flying in my face. Lots of classical music coming up on shuffle on iTunes. It's lovely and not the usual thing. Having written that I'll now get an hour of heavy metal and collision jazz. So it goes.

I'm grateful for: being reminded to write my gratitudes, beautiful weather, a chance to get away.