Briefly, because typing is still quite difficult for me, but I need to not give up on any avenue of getting my thoughts out of my head. ... I need to stop thinking about Z&N. I am here for them as much as I can be. Sometimes that's not much. Sometimes it's a lot, but neither of them seem to appreciate what it is I/we do for them whether it is a lot or a little. So it goes. I need to let it go. They are not here, I don't know where they are, and I don't need to. They are clearly getting the help that they need - or at least all that they will accept. That is not my problem. I need to give them to Hashem, and keep giving them to Hashem. They are both grown-ups. Sort-of.

The only other thing I need to write here is that I am still here. Writing comments is mostly more than I can manage. Other platforms give me the chance to 'like' or 'heart' or otherwise let people know I am here, I read, I want to connect, without typing. I feel, to a certain extent, like I am mute again. When I was mute (I was functionally mute when I was a small child, fwiw) I had a person or people around me who could communicate, be it by body language, sign language, or just miming whatever. Now I can't communicate that way with the people around me, and I can't type, and what is a person to do? I am struggling with this and feeling terribly isolated and lonely, as I feel I am cut off from the major sources of friendship which was(were?) online.

I am working on my Hebrew, and we have plans for getting me more contact with people here. But at best that is sometime in the future. *sigh* Hashem is in charge, and all will work out. It's just, still, so hard. Not as hard as it's been for the past year, Barukh Hashem (Thank Gd), but still bloody hard.

I have to stop, as at this point I am making more mistakes than hitting correct keys. And yes, I am compulsive about correcting typoes. So it goes.

I'm grateful for so much, but to keep it manageable I'll just say - a wheelchair accessible house; a wheelchair van that I can drive with my one good hand; a bit of space and peace in my home and in my life.