I'm grateful for: still the chance of a donkey; cats'n'kids'n'dogs'n'chickens; Various projects - knitting, movie rescuing, music backups - going fine if far more slowly than I'd hoped or thought.

I thought I would write something here, but ended up writing a short status update on f@cebook, and that seems to have done it for me.

I miss writing, especially the sense that I am recording things that later I will get glad to read. But, it's what I can do today.

Sick again, still, yet. Possibly forever. I'd wanted to get to the beach today, had made plans. It might still happen. Not holding my breath, though.

I'm just brain-dead. Too much to do and not enough of me to do any of it. Story of my life.

I don't know if I wrote it here, but MMF is finally, officially dying. Sometime. I don't mean to sound sarcastic, but after thirty years I've heard so MANY times that she was possibly dying of this and that, it's kind of lost it's impact. It was a bit shocking when I first heard, but now it's just, ...

So she has a terminal dx, but it could happen any time - today, tomorrow, in five years or ten. So in what way does that change anything for me? It doesn't, really. The alzheimer's dx is of more moment, but she's been losing her marbles for years. I guess it's about time somebody other than me noticed.

I've a houseful of kids, and I want them all gone already. Isn't that awful? *smile* S2 will be home full-time in less than a week. D2 is graduating and threatening to come and live nearby. I'm too sick to enjoy my kids, or much of anything.

And that is the bottom line. I'm sick, and I'm sick of being sick, and I'm sick of being sick of being sick. It seems to never end. I've no money because it did that miraculous thing it does periodically and vanished utterly. I don't understand it.

I don't spend more or differently, but sometimes, for no apparent reason, I look at the bank accounts and the money is all gone. I'm looking at either raiding my (entire) savings, or 'borrowing' the money set aside for S3's bar mitzvah trip to the U.S. *sigh* I know it will all work out, and heaven knows it is better to have savings I can raid than otherwise, but I just hate being in this situation again. Everything I've spent, with the exception of the new camera (at 400 shekel a month, it doesn't really make a huge dent in our budget), has been carefully budgeted for, planned, with set-asides and what I thought was a reasonable cushion. And we're broke. This month's projected budget has us at about 9000 shekel over our allowed framework (that's an overdraft). How did that happen? It's not like I was over last month, I wasn't. I just don't get it.

*sigh* Don't I just love these opportunities to trust Hashem and be reminded that everything works out, and that I am not in charge? Well, no. *sigh*

I'm too tired now. Going to watch an educational video with S3, I hope. Get some knitting done. There are good things in my life, wish I could feel them better right now is all.

I'm listening to The Proclaimers: Unguarded Moments